Did you know "The Emmy's" were the other night. The Emmy's are to "honor excellence in television".  I'm sorry, you've already fallen asleep have you?

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Here's what I'd do to perk up "The Emmy's"

*No speeches that wouldn't fit on Vine.  That's it, 9 seconds and you're gone. No one wants to hear crap about your management, your makeup artists or any of that crap.  Just say "thanks, you rock" and get the hell off the stage.

*Get rid of all song and dance numbers. Anyone attempting to 'entertain' should be pelted with paintball guns.

*Bribe one actress each year to have a wardrobe malfunction. Yes, it's misogynistic, but then again Mr. Hollywood producer, you didn't hire the ugly ones for the job, you want us to want these honeys.

*Bribe one actor each year to admit he's gay.  It is HILARIOUS to us guys when we find out that the handsome male actor our wives are lusting after are gay.  The rest of the women think "oh, he's handsome and he'd be a good friend too".

*Take a lesson from Nick.  Use the old "slime" trick.  It doesn't have to be slime though. You could randomly drop a giant foam anvil on a random actor, or they could drop through a hole in the floor. We'd watch all night in anticipation of "who's going to get it" this year.  Oh wait....even better.  Each year one Emmy would have and electrical shock.  Just imagine the fun when Sofia Verga wins, grabs it, screams "oh dios mio" then passes out in such a way that we can see up or down her dress. I'm in.