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I Am The World’s Tallest Midget

Nessmania
Nessmania

First off, let me apologize for the word midget if anyone takes offense. I don’t use the word to hurt anyone, it’s just using the term little person wouldn’t explain my point. Now that that is out of the way, let me tell you why “I Am The World’s Tallest Midget”.  Oh crap, now you have to click through.

I’m no fan of the ‘proof is in the puddin” guy on TV. In fact, I’m very suspect of him. I think he may remodel houses just so there’s a crawlspace to hide bodies in. What bothers me is he plays on the ignorance of good ol’ boy West Texas rubes (intentionally or not, I don’t know). First there his slogan ‘the proof is in the puddin” which sounds homey and reassuring enough, but never once in the gut wrenching amount of commercials he jams down our throats on TV does he EVER say, the “proof of WHAT is in the puddin’. I imagine in his mind the word service, quality or murderous rage.  JUST TELL ME ONCE WHAT IS IN THAT PUDDIN’!

Next he takes the down home approach, and says “what would yer daddy do?” approach. Well this is kind of weird coming from what looks to be a 6o+ year old man. He speaks as if he has some real daddy issues and/or that we should believe that like god, our dads were infallible. Guess what, my daddy wouldn’t have said jack squat to me about remodeling other than “get me that hammer boy.”

Finally, the reason for this article. His latest commercial says he has been named one of the top 100 re-modelers according to Qualified Re-modeler magazine.  Wow, not Qualified Re-modeler magazine!?!!?  I bet tens of people read that magazine! Who knew anyone from these parts had reached such lofty heights so that they could almost peak into heaven! This man is breathing RARE AIR!

So I looked up Qualified Re-modeler magazine and basically it’s a free magazine (no doubt supported by people who sell supplies for re-modelers). The magazine is brought to you by the same people who publish Roofing Contractor magazine, because who wouldn’t want to read about roofing all day?  Anyways, I don’t know what it takes to be one of Top 100 but my guess is it’s like having sex with Madonna, eventually everybody gets a turn.

So among a group of little people, I am the tallest!  It doesn’t make me TALL, it just means I didn’t put myself up against fair competition. I put myself into a situation where I can’t lose. It’s not unlike me walking up to a bunch of  third graders and saying “I can whoop any of y’alls asses.”

So, this brings me full circle.  I’ve asked over and over for him to tell us  the “proof of WHAT ” is in the puddin’. Now we finally know what is in the puddin’, it’s bullsh*t.

 

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