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Lubbock Doesn’t Make Short List Of North Korea Bombing Targets

 

New intelligence out of North Korea suggests the rogue country would bomb four areas.  Washington D.C., Los Angeles California, Hawaii and Austin, Texas.  Uh, Austin?  What’s up with that?  Why not Dallas or Houston, and how come Lubbock gets left out again?

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Austin seems to be a rather random choice for bombing.  I guess the capital is there.  Maybe Kim Jong-un also hates hippies.  Then there’s the giant gathering of hipster-douches known as South by Southwest. Or maybe burnt orange gives the supreme leader indigestion.   Maybe Kim has a fondness for Subway and wants to put Thundercloud subs out of business before they expand.  Okay, so I’m starting to see some good reasons to bomb Austin, so let’s look at “why not Lubbock?”.

You know, as seen by our own wars, there’s only so much bombs to go around and it would be hard to hit something around here with everything being so spread out.  Why would North Korea bomb Texas Tech?  They certainly aren’t a threat to other sports teams, so why waste good gunpowder over there (yeah that’s a low blow, I too am hoping Coach Kliff turns it around)?  Right now our city council seems to be destroying itself from the inside, so who needs an explosion?  We just got a Panda Express not too long ago, I doubt they’d want to hit that (after all, an army travels on it’s belly).  Any bomb they drop is going to result in collateral damage to a church or a Walmart, both of which are good places to search for more weapons if they come to town, so they won’t want to blow that opportunity.

I’d like to see them blow the hell out of the Buddy Holly Statue so the town can move out of the 50′s.  The Lubbock Coliseum area would probably better served as a parking lot than a facility, so that can go.  I also think there are many areas of town that would look better after a good bombing than they do now.

So Lubbock didn’t make North Korea’s bombing list this time.  Maybe we can send Kim Jong-un a nasty letter or something and get some things improved around here.

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