So I had the first stage of jury duty today and I'd like to present some observations. First off, if "justice is blind" then why can't I wear shorts?  The judge himself came in dressed in a sweatshirt with a Dr. Pepper in his hand.

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I wish I had read closer and checked in online, but I had missed my first summons, so I got my ass down to the rescheduled date, promptly.  I was then immediately sat between two women who were suffering the same cold (wouldn't it be weird if they were both dating/married/doing the same dude, since they had the same symptoms?).  As a matter of fact, it sounded like most of the people in the jury pool had some type of hideous lung ailment and/or nasal drip.  THIS is how the zombie apocalypse begins, with a nasty virus in a giant ass white government room. I immediately set forward in my chair to avoid breathing the same air and these twin typhoid Mary's. I also tried shallow breathing.  I'm still a little lightheaded from all this.

The fun part of jury service is watching the douchebags try to explain the the judge why they can't be picked for a jury. I'm betting the judge has heard everything form irritable bowel syndrome to people who were recently set upon by gangs of talking apes.  Guess what?  Jim Bob ain't having none of it, so just don't even try.

There is one new thing (new to me) that they're doing. You can now just donate your six bucks to charity. I do think it's a great thing, but I wonder what it takes to get on the limited list.  I gave mine to CASA (I'm doing some other stuff for them I'll tell you about later).  I was very bummed to see that the line to donate was shorter than the line to keep the six bucks, and it was three people thicker too.  Cheap bastards. Unless you're getting tagged at work for your time off, you should use this civic duty money to help some folks out.

I wish I could keep going with these observations because it takes a special kind of asshole to think they can judge somebody, even on a jury. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate you jurors, but if you can decide another persons fate without getting the Hershey squirts, then you're a tougher person than me.  I just think being on the wrong jury could eat a hole in your stomach.  So anyways, I guess I'll be sworn to silence when they call me back. I'm sure they'll dismiss me. I don't go for that "mandatory sentencing" thing and I usually laugh when they ask me to swear on a Bible.

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