Texas Tech will be using propane cannons to scare off birds.  They want you to know this because the sound of repeated explosions tends to make some people, as well as the birds, fill their undies.   I find it amusing that firing cannons, even of air, is called a "bird relocation program".

Desiree Navarro, Getty Images

I've always found the concept of mosquito repellent kind of funny.  It doesn't kill them or make them go away, it just makes them go over to the next person who doesn't have it on.  You are literally dicking those around you who didn't spend $3.49 at Walgreens.

So it goes with the Texas Tech "bird relocation program".  It isn't solving the problem, it's passing the problem down the road.  Then the next person will pass it down the road and so on until the birds end living in a van down by the river where they'll plot their revenge and eventually return to Tech.

I don't really have a problem with Tech's program, I just think there ought to be a more permanent solution.  My vote is for FALCONS!  Yes, a highly trained squadron of predatory birds that will relocate these birds to hell.

Anyways, if you hear a series of booming sounds coming from Tech, it's not the faculty playing the latest Jay Z joint in their Escalades, it's air cannons scaring off birds.