Someone seriously needs to write a book explaining (more like decoding) shopping for pants for females.

With the start of the school year, most of us with kids get to do the dreaded school clothes shopping spree.

For those of us with girls, especially teenage girls, this is more like a preview of what hell will be like.

I have recently been introduced to the nightmare of trying to decipher the difference between a size 3 and a 4 in pants and to understand why a medium shirt looks like it would squeeze the breath out of a newborn is supposed to fit a 16 year old girl (and yet even the extra large look too small for even a toddler).

And just when I thought I was catching on, we went into another store where I picked out a 3-4 only to learn about vanity sizing... Are you kidding me?

The more we shop the more I am thankful to be a guy, I can buy my stuff based on waist size and inseam, and shirts are small, medium, and large, period, no vanity size.

Unless it seems you are shopping for condoms, I recently read where Magnum condoms are not actually "extra large," but are made to fit most men and are simply labeled to "boost their egos."

Our 'secret' is out my brothers...