It’s Prom Season. Don’t Look Like A D!ck.
Hey kids, it’s prom season! I have some tips for you on not looking like a choad on prom night. Now, you may think some of these things are cool now, but you’ll appreciate these tips on both “prom night” but especially years from now when you look back on your prom night pictures. Click through for the tips.
- Sneakers or cowboy boots with a tux ain’t a new idea. Be a man and put on some mens shoes. You’re feet are gonna hurt like a sumbitch the next day, but welcome to the big leagues.
- Get yourself some black socks. People who wear athletic socks with a tux look like tools (think-your dad in sandals with black socks)
- Don’t “match tuxes” with your bros. You look dateless and desperate even if you came with a date but your friends are dressed the same way. Either match to your date or do your own thing.
- Forget the tails. Tails are stupid and not even “retro cool”. It’s just something flappy that hits you in the ass and makes you feel weird all night long.
- “Tux shirts” are no longer funny. Mow a damn lawn, get a couple of bucks and spring for the real thing.
- Seriously, “a cowboy hat” with a tux? Are you friggin’ kidding me? Why not wear a clown hat or a ski mask? Wearing a cowboy hat with a tux is like buying a $50 steak then covering it with ketchup. Give yourself some credit playa, slick that hair down and do the prom for reals.
- Do I really have to tell you to not get the “top hat and cane”? You’re going to a prom, not a magic show.
- Avoid all light colors and multi-color tuxes. You’ll look like a skit on Saturday Night Live when you look back at the pictures. The same goes for “all white” you’ll spend all night worrying that you’re getting your tux dirty.
- Avoid the temptation to go for the “Mafia look” (black tux/blood red shirt). It’s just so overdone at this point.
- The best thing to do is simple: Get a black tux that fits well. If you’re feeling it, get a cummerbund, tie or handkerchief for just a splash of color (or just hook up a single red rose boutonniere. You’re going to look cool, dignified and fashionable, not just on prom night but many, many years from now (plus you’ll feel like a secret agent).
What makes me an expert? I wore a creme and brown tux to my prom. I looked like an add for chocolate milk or something. Since that time I’ve wore many a black tux and the reaction for women is absolutely amazing. Classy never goes out of style. Remember this above all: Your goal is to look AMAZING right? So why would you put on a clown suit? Step up and thank me later!