A Night Before Christmas, Lubbock Style

Here's wishing you a Merry Christmas. It's a bit tought to get in the spirt when it's so warm, but maybe a Christmas poem will help.  Enjoy.

Twas the night before Christmas, in this small Texas town
We were hoping for snow, but none had come down
How would we get, in the spirit this year
When not a creature was stirring, not even a steer?

The Hub City folk were all snug in their beds
With visions of Tech wins, dancing in their heads
And mom in her p.j.s, and me in a shirt
Had all of the news, with that guy Abner

We had turned off the t.v., when we heard a big wreck
(Must be a frat boy from Ttexas Tech)
But out of the window, I couldn’t believe my eyes
Was eight prairie dogs, all giant sized

They were leading a Ford, painted oh so slick
Inside in a trucker cap, was good old Saint Nick
He had a nice sidearm, attached to his hip
Because in Texas, someone is always starting some shit

He called out to his prairie dogs
I remember the names
“On Johnny on Trent, on Billy and Shane”
“On Taylor and Garth, on Kenny-Wayne”
“On Junior and Stevie, on Austin and Moe”
“C, mon Ramon, we’ve places to go”

The sprang to the rooftop, in that F-150
And I thought to myself, that roof’s kinda iffy
Then down the chimney, came a man so jolly
Whistling a song, made by the great Buddy Holly

He said not a thing, as he sniffed at some treats
We had forgotten to buy milk, and the cheese smelled like feet
The cookie was hard, and the candy cane was broken
So Santa just passed, as we were hopin’

He had an old pipe, clenched between his teeth
Mom whispered in my ear, “Is he gonna smoke weed?”
He set to his business, of making the room twinkle
That we barely noticed, when he started to tinkle

He peed on the tree, with all of his might
And he just muttered, “Shew..Coors Light”
He shook it off, and went back to his biz
Looking relieved, after his long winters whiz

He placed all the presents, around the tree with care
After all there were many, wet spots down there
It looks like we got, some beef jerky and chew
I like that Redman, and mom likes it too

All of this happened, I swear it's true
And then it was over, and up the chimney he flew
He climbed in that pickup, with the rims so pretty
Looked out the window, and said “deuces... Dirt City”

We heard a pop top, and knew it was more beer
As we heard a faint voice say,
“Merry Christmas Lubbock...
....I’m outta here”