Here Is Where You Find the King of Not Giving a Fudge

I hope you're in the mood for a funny story.

There's a place where you battle through people who don't give a fudge, onto the managers who don't give a fudge, and finally into a department that's hidden which serves as the lair of the king-boss of all people who don't give a fudge. I met this foe this past week, and I was dis......missed.

I ventured into a local Walmart with hopes of picking up something that's generally in stock during the Christmas season. Knowing that the "big blue and yella" was no place for a sane person, I went early in the morning. I gathered up all of my intestinal fortitude and made a beeline for one of those weird little rooms that Walmart has right before you go outside to the nurseries. I should have known the minute I entered that room that I was dealing with a monster that could not be vanquished by anything, least of all any desire to actually help a customer.

At this point, we take a break in the story to say that I did not expect any help. I'm well aware that the people who work in Walmart are there to put stuff on the shelves or to keep you from stealing; they're not there to "help" in any traditional sense of the word.  So, armed with this knowledge, I proceeded into the weird room where f**ks go to die.

I entered the room and saw that it was still half-stocked with patio supplies, but the Christmas decorations had arrived. There was a chance I might be successful. I darted in and out of the aisles while a bored-looking employee priced things in a basket. I made no attempt to make eye contact or talk to him, just continued on with my mission. The employee broke the silence and said, "whatcha lookin' for?" I told the employee "rope lights," and he said "they've got to be in there somewhere" and went back to work.

Yup, he gave no fudges on that particular morning. He didn't have any desire to help. He was just curious, I guess. Oh, and they didn't have rope lights, but they do have the King of All Men Who Do Not Give a F**k.