I have the perfect girlfriend. She's hot, she loves football, she's got a great butt, she never watches "The Bachelor," she loves rock music, she doesn't watch those silly reality shows, she has a nice rack, she watches NASCAR with me, she doesn't make me go dancing, and did I mention, she's hot? Well, I "thought" she was perfect until they canceled "Two and a Half Men" on Monday nights and she decided "we" would watch "Dancing with the Stars" this season. She also decided we would actually vote. She's clearly lost her mind! I can only hope the NFL players and owners get their crap figured out before next season so she doesn't decide "we" are going to have Lifetime movie marathon days on Sunday.