Shocker: The Chilton Is Not Lubbock’s Most Popular Mixed Drink!

This may prove upsetting to people, but Chiltons "Ain't all that!".

I am not a fan of the Chilton mixed drink, not even a little. In my younger days, I used to surf a bit. I remember wiping out a really hard one and getting a huge drink of seawater. That drink of seawater was reminiscent but slightly better than a Chilton. Still, folks in Lubbock are head over heels for Chiltons, and for the life of me, I can't figure out why. Seriously, you do you, I'm just perplexed.

This is also why I found it incredibly surprising that The Chilton was NOT the most searched drink locally on Google. Get ready for the big reveal:

There you go, right from the horses, er...Google's mouth. Everybody talks about Chiltons, but they're really out here making Cosmopolitans.

In fairness, it's a lot easier to make Chiltons, all you have to do is mix fizzy toilet water with road de-icer and add a slice of lemon. Okay, that's not fair. Chiltons are actually made by pouring vodka into an aquarium and drinking from it with a straw. No really, Chiltons are made by mixing rubbing alcohol with a chimpanzee's back sweat. Okay, one more attempt, Chiltons are made with vodka, lemon, soda water, and salt. It's also possible that the fifth ingredient is witchcraft to make you think that combo tastes good.

As for a Cosmopolitan, most recipes call for vodka, triple sec, cranberry juice, and lime juice. I can see where people might get a bit confused because even as a former bar owner, I really don't understand what the heck "triple sec" is or what it goes in.