Stuff That Should Get You Kicked Out Of The Theater And The Human Race

Okay, I'm not talking about necessarily "foreign food" like Chinese Food, but food that is foreign to the environment. I went to the movie one time and had three women open bean and onion Taco Bell burritos, one at a time in front of me. Those burritos are delicious, but in a theater they smelled vile.

Have you noticed that the majority of theater candy is in boxes? That's to cut down on noise. Quit being a chucklehead and rustling through your snacks for an entire movie.

It's both a nervous tic and a way to break up the ice into bite size pieces, it's still annoying as hell. Just when I thought I was getting over hearing people munching like a bunch of hungry horses, I had to deal with someone doing the shake thing for what seemed like eternity.

This should be classified with the "foreign food" but they are actually condoned and sold by the theaters. I can't even believe that big stinky pickles are allowed. They're foul and the smell really carries across a room.

How would you like it if I carried a flashlight around in a theater. Oh, I wouldn't shine it at you, I'd only shine it at my face. IT'S STILL DAMN ANNOYING. That bright light, even if it's not pointed at you can actually hurt your eyes in a dark theater. Just stop it. Keep your dumb ass at home if you want to look at your phone instead of the movie.

Seriously, you and your kids need to learn what it's like to have this jarring distraction. I've mentioned a lot of stuff on the list, but this is the one that I will address immediately with a very menacing "knock it the f@ck off".