Why Does Office Toilet Paper Have To Be So Terrible?

Yes, I'm going to go on a rant about toilet paper.

Let's start at the top, yes I DO bring my own toilet paper, but sometimes you have to go with what is available.

Like most office buildings, we have what I guess you would call "industrial toilet paper" (It's a normal size, but the same as those rolls that are as big as a car tire). It is my guess that most businesses think if they buy this truly terrible stuff, then the employees won't steal it and take it home. I guess that's a legit concern, but c'mon isn't your employee's comfort and cleanliness worth a little more than the giant rest stop rolls you're putting out there?

The t.p. here is evidence of war crimes. It should be convicted of assault.  It could be used to patch roofs. Criminals could use it to tie up hostages. It's so bad that using the copy paper would be considered an upgrade. Using the actual tree it's made of would be better than suffering the indignity of this glorified mummy wrapping.

There's another flaw with this industrial stuff too, and that's the way that it starts glued down. Seriously, you have to rip chucks out of it just to get a roll started. It's so much waste and mess that you'd think just getting the good stuff would cost about the same.

Big business is going to rue the day when we all rise up and overthrow the office managers who are willing to give you a sore o-ring just to save a few pennies. There's also a special place in hell for the inventors of this starfish-scratching abomination. It's just not much to ask to have something more than the 1-ply crack floss that's provided.