A Satanic Church Would Really Spruce Up These 8 Places in Lubbock

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Lubbock, Texas and Satan, on paper, don't seem to mix too well.

Many can remember a time in the early 2000s when Lubbock actually had more churches per capita than any city in the United States. This isn't much the case anymore, but there's still quite a few of them. So it's safe to say Christianity is pretty important to a lot of Lubbockites. To me, though, that makes the idea of churches dedicated to Satanism even funnier.

I have to point out a specific detail concerning The Church of Satan, though, and that's the fact that Satanists don't actually worship Satan. They don't believe in him at all, in fact. Well, the ones with the Church of Satan don't, at least.

We, I mean, they, use the image of Satan to represent defiance, choosing to embrace individualism, materialism and the ego. Skeptical atheists, they're called by many.

The misconception on Satanism usually makes it funnier for me since people who accuse members of the Church of Satan of being involved in, like, sacrificial rituals obviously don't know what they're talking about, so you can just point and laugh. Besides, they shouldn't have a problem with these kinds of churches, right? Freedom of religion, right?

Anyway, here are some places around the Hub City I think a Satanic Church would really spruce up.

Next to any Chick-fil-A

Certain FMX personalities have made it pretty apparent that they don't support Chick-fil-A's homophobic practices, and I'm on the same page. Put a Church of Satan next to any Chick-fil-A. Make 'em squirm.

The Whataburger on Quaker Ave.

It's a business I frequent, and nothing sounds better to me than a Patty Melt followed up by some anti-worship.

Within the view of Texas Tech

We've got a lot of college students around here, and I know a lot of quirky teenagers/young adults would be down to clown with Satan. Maybe they'll find out the Church's ideals actually line up with their own?

Next to where I live

Come on. I'm not stupid. I'm not gonna show you where I live. I will say, though, that it'd be really nice to have a Satanic Church a stroll away.

Between Bahama Buck's and Jake's Backroom

There are so many metal shows that happen at Jake's, and I know there'd be a crowd for this kind of thing.

Citizen's Tower

We spent a lot of dumb money and dumb time building this thing, so why not spend a little more?

Somewhere along 34th Street between Indiana and University

I don't have a great reason for this. I just drive by here a lot and it'd be neat to see.

In a park? I don't know, I'm running low on ideas

What a sight it'd be. A nice, green (?) park with a big, beautiful Satanic Church in the middle of it. I'd love it.