World Famous Lubbock Zoo Offers 2 For 1 Sale This Saturday

Just when you think those insane geniuses at the World Famous Lubbock Zoo (TM) couldn't be any dumber, they go and pull a stunt like this....and TOTALLY REDEEM THEMSELVES!!

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For the 2nd straight year, the Lubbock Zoo ("Where The Animals Hang Out") is creating a wonderful family event to celebrate the 25th anniversary of the expiration of a restraining order that founder Phineas X. Blanton had placed against him by Sea World's corporate headquarters. This year, they are putting a twist on the idea of "2 for 1".

For one day only, April 1st, in addition to offering 2 for 1 admission, The Lubbock Zoo is offering 2 for 1 ANIMALS!  In a concept that is best described as a mix of "sheer insanity" and "probably illegal", the zoo is clearing out their entire animal inventory by offering visitors a chance to "take home a piece of the zoo". For every exhibited animal you purchase, the zoo will throw in a additional animal (of a lesser value) at no charge (offer not valid to US Citizens).

For an extra added charge, the zoo will even bathe and de-bug your new pet. Spokesman Milton Q. Bradley says that is a big pat of the process.

"No one wants a damn dirty ape, so we make sure that we take care of giving them a good warm bath, and provide car seats for the little guys so that you can get them home safely. Plus, with our buy one get one free offer, you can mix and match and take home a baby panda bear cub along with your mini-gorilla. They'll play for hours and hours on your new carpet!"

An added bonus is that guests with swimming pools can now choose a pair of their very own manatees.

"It's a shame that we've had to close our "Manatee-Mania" exhibit. Apparently the little sea cows don't like it when it gets cold here in winter. We thought they'd just hang out under the ice floes, but they didn't take to it too well. So, we're selling off our manatee inventory at a low-low price of $2.99 per pound, so that we can convert the enclosure into our new Great White Touch Tank, where kids can feel just how leathery a sharks skin can feel."

Bradley was clear that potential buyers could only take a manatee home if they have a heated swimming pool, or large bathtub.

Not all animals are being offered for sale, however.

"Jerry the one-eyed Jaguar is still going to have a home here, although he now identifies as 'Jeraldine'. There's nothing funny about deadnaming a jaguar."

Proof of residency is required, and the offer is not valid in all 50 states and Puerto Rico.

There's nothing like a day at the Lubbock Zoo! Trust us!

(Zoo is not real, and if you thought it really was...you've got serious issues)