A groundbreaking (and 100% made-up) study has recently confirmed what we all suspected: Lubbock dads possess an extraordinary ability to detect even the slightest adjustment to the thermostat, even from miles away.

Researchers say that the average Lubbock father can sense a two-degree temperature change from a distance of up to 400 miles, typically within 30 seconds of said change.

man in white crew neck shirt
Photo by Paul Jai on Unsplash
man in white crew neck shirt

As someone who grew up with one of these fathers, I believe it.

My dad worked out of town when I was little, which should have made my thermostat adventures easy...

It did not.

The summer time was terrible in my childhood bedroom. It was like someone converted it into a big Easy-Bake Oven. I remember waiting for everyone to fall asleep, creeping down the hallway, and carefully turning that bad boy down to a refreshing 60 degrees.

I'd walk back to my room feeling victorious.

"They'll never know."

They always knew.

Somehow, when dad got home from business, he'd always ask the same question:

"Whose been messing with MY thermostat?"

Like, um, excuse me. You've been relaxing in a ritzy hotel in another city, with full control of the air conditioner.

No security cameras. No smart thermostat. This was the 90s.

And yet, somehow, he always knew.

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I'm pretty sure dads develop a 6th sense the first time they pay a massive electric bill. Maybe it's encoded in their DNA alongside the ability to name every single business that has come and gone in the same building right there on the corner of Slide and the Loop. (It's gotta be like 6 by now?!)

For whatever reason, every single kid in West Texas knows that touching the thermostat comes with consequences...

They just didn't stop most of us from doing it anyway.

No regrets! Viva La A/C! 

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