The Most Goblin Things Lubbock Residents Do In The Summer

Some of you turn into straight-up gremlins in the summertime.

It's like the season starts with big dreams. We're all going to be so productive, spend time outdoors, enjoy the sunshine...

Three weeks later, we're standing over the kitchen sink, eating ice cream straight from the container, timing our errands around the parts of the day that the air conditioning blows coldest in the car.

Here are some of the most goblin habits you'll see in public in Lubbock this summer:

LUBBOCK'S MOST GOBLIN SUMMER BEHAVIORS

Parking According To Shade, Not Distance

a bench sitting in the middle of a lush green park — Photo by LD 1017 on Unsplash

Nana is going to circle the lot 7 times until she gets the shady spot, and don't you dare complain, not in this heat...

Vampire Hours

sunset photograph during nighttime — Photo by Ankhesenamun on Unsplash

We become experts at avoiding the sun.

Need groceries?

Better wait until the sun goes down...

Need gas?

Maybe tomorrow...

Need to check the mail?

Let's not be too hasty now...

Grocery Store Freezer Section Stalking

blue and white labeled plastic bottle in store — Photo by Mishaal Zahed (Meschael Zahède) on Unsplash

We all notice you lingering with the doors open, cooling off by the pizza rolls. There's steam coming off your body.

Vehicles Become Mobile Storage Units

black car on road during daytime — Photo by Ömer Haktan Bulut on Unsplash

We're all so focused on getting out of the heat that we let our cars get really messy in the summertime. They become almost like little storage units on wheels. Mystery sunglasses. A melted pen rolling around on the floorboard. Take out bags of old tacos that essentially cook themselves over again every single day until the point your nose can no longer ignore the daily tragedy unfolding in your backseat.

Messy Mindless Meals

a person opens a refrigerator — Photo by Sydney Moore on Unsplash

At some point during every Lubbock summer, a grown adult stands in front of an open fridge, mindlessly eats shredded cheese, pickles, and olives, and decides "yep, that's dinner."

No plates. Just vibes.

It's too hot for the oven.

It's too hot to look for the cheese that just fell between my boobs.

Lubbock Gremlins Are My Favorite Kind

It's not glamorous out here in the summer, friends, but we make it through every time, like the truly rugged West Texans we are, sprinting from AC to AC, treating shady spots like winning lotto tickets, and treating the sunlight like it will, in fact, kill us dead.