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An adult store in Lubbock, Texas recently put a man on social media blast, and woof, he sure deserves it. From the story that was posted to the Operation Crime Watch Lubbock Facebook page:

This late night larcenist decided to do some after hours shopping at Adam & Eve. He let himself in after hurling an oversized rock into the glass window. He left with an expensive torso. If anyone recognizes him please reach out. Any information would be greatly appreciated! He seems to be wearing scrubs and medical gloves.

The man has short, dark hair, is white or has a light complexion, and is wearing dark blue scrubs. You can see his picture here.

Many people in the comments questioned, "What on Earth is a 'very expensive' torso?" It certainly sounds alarming, even Dahmer-esque. Perhaps you're a nice and somewhat innocent person who thinks he made off with a mannequin (again, Dahmer-esque). Oh no, it's quite a bit spicier than that.

The "very expensive torso" in question is a silicone replica of a woman's torso that's for the purpose of, umm, reading poetry to, I assume.

I'm not going to knock what any adult wants to do in their free time as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else. However, a man bursting into a business after hours by shattering the glass with a rock to steal only a very expensive torso is a helluva red flag if I've ever seen one. And yes, I've seen many, many red flags in my life. I am a woman, after all.

The award for best comment on the Facebook post goes to this gem:

I figured he was practicing for the MLB. Because he stole 2nd base

Hey-o!

Second place goes to this comment, who said what we were all thinking:

Thanks now I will have porn torso on my Google history

FYI: that's what incognito mode is for.

I can't imagine needing a very expensive torso so badly (and so desperately) that I'd be willing to burgle a business for it. If the man is caught, it'll be a very expensive torso indeed:

Burglary is typically classified as a state jail felony and is punishable by up to 2 years in a state jail and a fine reaching $10,000.


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