5 Foods That You ONLY Eat Standing Up Like a Goblin

There are meals, and then there are standing foods. You know the difference. Meals require a chair, a plate, and maybe even a napkin. Standing foods require absolutely none of that. They are eaten hunched over a counter, refrigerator door still open, usually in silence, like you’re hiding from someone. These foods do not belong at a table. They belong in the liminal space between “I’m hungry” and “I refuse to commit to a real meal.”

The RockShow with Chrissy and Wes asked listeners to tell us what they thought were the best things to eat standing up, on the go. The answers did not disappoint. (They never do.)

Mmm...Cheese...

The first and most powerful of all standing foods is shredded cheese. Not melted. Not on anything. Just raw, straight from the bag, eaten with your fingers like a raccoon that pays rent. You tell yourself you’re just grabbing a pinch, but suddenly the bag is half empty, and you’re questioning your life choices.

Tortillas

Tortillas also fall into this category. Not tacos. Just tortillas. Maybe with butter. Maybe with nothing. They are rolled up and eaten like a sad little bread cigar while you scroll your phone and think about absolutely nothing.

The Coldies

Cold leftovers are another goblin staple. Not reheated. Never reheated. Pizza straight from the box. Chicken straight from the container. Pasta eaten with a fork you found in the sink. The plate is optional. The shame is not.

The Truly Animalistic Stuff

Then there are what I call hand-to-mouth proteins, which include rotisserie chicken, deli meat, and anything that was once part of a sandwich but is now just being eaten by itself. You are not making a plate. You are ripping pieces off and living your truth.

The Snackies

And of course, there are the snack foods that demand secrecy. Chips eaten directly out of the bag. Crackers over the trash can. Pickles are standing on the fridge so the juice doesn’t drip on the floor. These are not snacks. These are rituals.

We Are An Odd Bunch, Aren't We?

In West Texas, this is practically a lifestyle. Between the dust, the wind, and the fact that we’re all slightly feral from driving everywhere, standing food is how we survive. It’s fast, it’s chaotic, and it doesn’t require emotional commitment.