Evie Mae’s BBQ Just Absolutely Smoked the Longhorns’ Bevo on Twitter
First off, I don't consider myself a BBQ snob. Beef, turkey, chicken or pork, it's all good with that delicious hit of smoke on it.
You could smoke spam for 16 hours, and I'd happily pay $20 for the plate. If you want sauce on your BBQ, that's also your decision. So when I saw this post from the Texas Longhorns this week, I wasn't offended.
I also wasn't impressed. I mean, boxed mac and cheese, two pickle slices and Lubbock's own Stubb's BBQ on a two-meat platter with crusty cornbread is what you're serving up for National BBQ Day? Did they even try? (Also, I'm assuming that's pulled pork, and if I was a BBQ snob, which I'm not, and a Texan, I'd say that's not even BBQ.)
True Texas BBQ is beef. Anything else is a side dish. Brisket? That's Texas BBQ.
Are they the Kansas City Longhorns? Did they not want to disrespect their beloved Bevo? Could they not swing by Franklin's in Austin and pick up some curbside brisket?
After the Twitterverse died down and everyone forgot about this sad, lonely plate of misery, Evie Mae's BBQ dropped an epic elbow from the mother-loving top rope.
Now, that is a plate of Texas Barbeque.
Brisket is the star of the plate. Butcher paper. Two sides. An entire half chicken. Sausage, probably jalapeno. Dry rubbed ribs. The sauce is on the side where it belongs (no disrespect to Lubbock's own Mr. Stubbs, obviously).
This is such a thorough beating of the Longhorns it might replace Texas Tech's 2015 Little People Big World win in Austin on the list. It might be sniffing the Crabtree catch in '08. The Longhorns are dead, butchered and drying on the rack set to be smoked.
The Texas Longhorns official Twitter account should delete itself because they will never recover. Never. Mark May 22nd, the year of our Lord 2020, as the day that the power shifted in the state of Texas and the Big 12, all thanks to Evie Mae's Pit Smoked BBQ.