Is It Time To Retire The Elf On The Shelf For Good

Christmas is supposed to be magical, heartwarming, and peaceful, but if you ask real humans (specifically those in Lubbock, Texas), they'll tell you that not all Christmas traditions were created equal.

The season is in full swing, so I decided to put a question out there on Facebook to my morning show radio listeners to see if I got any bites.

"What Christmas Tradition would you toss in a dumpster and light on fire?..."

The answers were pure gold, y'all. Chaos. Peak honesty. Thank you!

Here's what Lubbock had to say about a few traditions they can clearly do without:

The 5 a.m. Wake-Up Call

Parents want to sleep until 11 for once in their lives. Kids, meanwhile, behave like caffeinated raccoons with a vendetta.

The Broke-People Olympics

Nothing like the magic of buying gifts while your bank account wheezes like the wind on the loop.

Zombie Jesus Decorations

One listener wants to normalize Halloween décor staying up through Easter. Honestly? I’m not mad at it. Consistency.

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The Family Christmas Card Photo Shoot

Nothing screams “holiday cheer” like Mom yelling, “SMILE NATURALLY!!!” while everyone looks like they’re giving testimony in a murder documentary.

Elf. On. The. Shelf.

Enough said. Parents are exhausted, and the elf needs to get a job.

The Great “Santa” Debate

Some folks want Santa to only bring stocking-stuffers, so struggling kids don’t think the Big Guy hates them. Legit point. Emotional damage avoided.

The Tree, The Nog, The Fruitcake, The Lutefisk

All of them? Straight to the dumpster. And lutefisk may actually cause permanent structural damage to it.

Mariah Carey Fatigue

If Christmas had a smoke alarm, it would be “All I Want for Christmas Is You.” Be honest, you read that in the tune.

No-Alcohol Households

One listener is bringing an “agave salad” to Mom’s this year. We support this rebellion.

Ungrateful In-Laws + Stolen Leftovers

Someone is still deeply upset about missing the turkey pot pie ingredients. And honestly? Valid.

Wasteful Cards, Brag Posts, White Elephant Tragedies

You spend $10 on a card just for it to live on someone’s fridge for 72 hours before heading to its final resting place: the trash can.

And of Course… Capitalism

Enough said.

In Closing...

Whether you’re anti-fruitcake, anti-elf, anti-eggnog, or anti-December entirely, just know this: it’s okay. Christmas is about joy… but also about survival. And sometimes survival means tossing a tradition into a flaming dumpster and walking away like you’re in an action movie.

Merry Grinchmas, Lubbock.

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