Unless you've been on the moon for the past few weeks, you know that those cheese-eating, wannabe Californians down in Austin are putting on the full court press (pun intended) to woo Texas Tech Men's Basketball Coach Chris Beard away to become the next coach for the University of Texas Longhorns.

We've already illustrated several reasons why Austin isn't even really a part of Texas anymore, and our very own Sports Bro Rob Breaux has laid out several reasons why Coach Beard won't be headed to UT. However, that doesn't mean we should neglect to do everything in our power to convince Coach Beard that home is here on the South Plains. And, yes, that includes good old fashioned bribery.

Get our free mobile app

Beef O' Bradys has already offered the coach Free Chicken Wings for life, but what goes better with wings than ice cold beer? Nothing. That's when Two Docs Brewing Co. decided to up the ante.

You read it right: Two Docs is offering Coach Beard free beer for life.

From their Facebook post:

Coach Beard, if you stay we are prepared to offer FREE BEER FOR LIFE.....look, it’s not like we weren’t already not charging you for beer. You a damn celebrity. But if you leave, that sweet sweet Chilton Gose bout to be $16 a pint. Which coincidentally is how much all beer already costs in Austin.

Honestly, if I was ready to leave and someone offered me free beer for life to stay, that would probably be enough to tip the scales in favor of sticking around. Although if I said that I was outta here, I'd probably get a beer can to the dome and a kick in the butt out the door.

But I'm not Coach Beard. Pay the man and give him his free beer and hot wings.

A Brief History of Texas Tech Men's Basketball in the NCAA Tournament

The 8 Best Wins in the United Supermarkets Arena During the Chris Beard Era

CHECK IT OUT: 100 sports records and the stories behind them