If you ever feel like you are losing faith in humanity, spend some time looking in the "community" section of Lubbock's Craigslist. Trust me, once you spend some time in there, the rest of your long-held beliefs will be reduced to ashes. Especially if you just randomly click on the various sections, such as Activities and General.

Let's start with "General."


Based on the listings, I had no idea so many people had plumbing issues in Lubbock. After all, why would there be so many ads from people who need their "pipes cleaned."


For example, this ad looks harmless at first, looking for a female in nearby Plainview to, ahem...


"Looking for a female cleaner in plainview to do a wipe down and polish. Let me know how valuable your time is."

Did everyone read between the lines on this one? Very good, you're not as naive as people think. Clearly, this is someone who is a wee bit lonely and rather creative in what they are asking for. And no, nothing will be "clean" at the end of that day. And also, no, I'm not linking to any of these ads. Find 'em yourself, Quagmire.

But wait, there's more!

If you head over to the Activities section, you get a whole lot more where that came from. For example, this listing seems curious, as if they're looking for someone to help them out in the kitchen. "Donut Tasters," eh?


Personally, I love donuts. However, I may never eat another one after reading this. Nor will I ever have an eclair again. Bonus points for creativity with the writing of the ad, though.

I mean, this stuff makes the Missed Connections section seem like a church social. It really makes you wonder what the heck is on peoples' minds on Craigslist. Do they REALLY expect anyone to respond to these ads? Or do they have visions of a really bad 70s adult film coming to life in their dumpy little apartment?

Bow chicka wow wow, you freaks.

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