Graduation is quickly approaching and you can feel the buzz of excitement from seniors preparing to embark on their adult lives. No more hiding report cards from your mother. No more weird German teacher that checks out your rack. No more lying about who you are staying the night with.


Congratulations on making it this far! A few of your friends have probably died from drug overdoses, car accidents, and in other terrible ways by now. Compared to them, you are absolutely killing it. Great job, you!

Here is a list of terrible advice from FMX listeners and old geezers like me:

Lower your expectations for everything from here on out.

Marry your high school boyfriend with a pill problem. You can change him.

Live with your parents as long as you can. Maybe they will give you the master bedroom.

When you get a job and your boss tells you to do something, throw yourself on the ground screaming "NO I DON'T WANNA!"

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Never make your own decisions. Just flip a coin.

Go ahead, get that credit card and never pay it back. It will only hurt your credit score and you will have loads of free stuff.

Finance that $30k car. You have 6 years to pay it off. Who cares about interest rates anyway!

Eat them chimichangas from stripes. Follow it up with chocolate milk and a 12 pack of Steel Reserve. Your stomach will be 'woke' in the morning.

College is for losers. Selling meth is a legitimate life plan that will bring legitimate friends.

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