Wes Nessman Ruined My Quest for a Rental Property
I’ve been looking around Lubbock for a spot to rent, and I made the grave mistake of sending links of a few promising houses to my The RockShow co-host, Wes Nessman, for perhaps some kind of fatherly advice.
He took it as an open invitation to roast every single house I chose in such an exhausting manner that I literally had to turn my phone off to get away from him.
Here are my favorite Wes Nessman rental house roasts:
- Yeah, I’m sure no meth has been done in that place.
- It looks like it has a pit with lotion residue in the bottom.
- It probably had a well with a tragic story attached to it.
- I bet someone was murdered in the shower.
- It looks like the grandma who “disappeared” may be behind a false wall.
- It looks like you’ll find a kiddie shoe near the crawl space.
- I bet it has an attic clown.
- It looks like it has a faucet that drips blood occasionally.
- It looks like it has cold spots where previous owners have died.
- I bet if you peeled up the carpet, there would be a mystery stain.
- It looks like there might be a patch of “new grass” about six foot by three foot in the backyard.
- It looks like it was once occupied by someone now known as “the screaming lady”.
- Perhaps the backyard once had a portal to hell, but don’t worry, those things never show back up.
- Possibly built on an ancient, secret burial ground.
- Good chance it comes with a puppet riding a bike.
Guys, this wasn't even half of them.