In a decade that has already brought us Murder Hornets, Covid-19 and BTS comes another new nightmare that could bring some sleepless nights to the South Plains.

For those who glossed over the headline of this story, let me point it out once more:


Photo by Shannon Potter on Unsplash
Photo by Shannon Potter on Unsplash

I don't know about you, but there is no way I'm ever sleeping again...

Apparently, during the cicadas' 17 years underground in the Cicada Protection Program, they're infected with a psychedelic fungus called "Massospora cicadina," which is pretty freaking insane, and has chemicals that are similar to hallucinogenic mushrooms.

KFMX FM logo
Get our free mobile app

Now, this is where is gets weird. The fungus apparently eats away at the genitals of the cicada even though they are blissfully unaware. To make matters worse, once they emerge from the ground, the cicadas actually LOSE their hindquarters, butt and unit, completely, even though they have no idea that it's gone.

On top of that, the fungus causes these little flying eunuchs to engage in what one researcher describes as "hypersexualized behavior," even though they lack the equipment to get the job done. They simply want to "engage" with anything -- just like the Kardashians.

Grossed out yet? But wait -- THERE'S MORE!


You betcha!

Matt Kasson, an assistant professor at West Virginia University, says that the cicadas become "zombies" in the sense that "...the fungus is in control of their bodies" and the insects have no clue what they are doing. Since they're unable to reproduce, Kasson says that the cicadas spread the fungus through the air by beating their wings rapidly and releasing spores. This phenomenon has given the zombie cicadas a terrifying nickname:


Once more for those who glossed over that last line...







So, are we in imminent danger of being exposed to Horny Zombie Cicada Fungus Spores?

Well, even with the recent trend of frying up and eating these little suckers, apparently  those who think they might get a quick buzz by chowing down on a Eunuch Zombie Cicada are just setting themselves up for disappointment. The dosage may be enough to affect the cicadas, but not nearly enough to impact humans.

If you're all about following the science, Dr. Fauci has not weighed in on the dangers of Psychedelics Cicada Fungi as of yet, but when he does, it's expected that he will use the possibility of imminent impotent cicada fungus exposure to require masks in all 50 states, including Guam, and close schools until 2034.

Damn cicadas...

WATCH OUT: These are the deadliest animals in the world

LOOK: What are the odds that these 50 totally random events will happen to you?

Stacker took the guesswork out of 50 random events to determine just how likely they are to actually happen. They sourced their information from government statistics, scientific articles, and other primary documents. Keep reading to find out why expectant parents shouldn't count on due dates -- and why you should be more worried about dying on your birthday than living to 100 years old.

LOOK: Here Are 30 Foods That Are Poisonous to Dogs

To prepare yourself for a potential incident, always keep your vet's phone number handy, along with an after-hours clinic you can call in an emergency. The ASPCA Animal Poison Control Center also has a hotline you can call at (888) 426-4435 for advice.

Even with all of these resources, however, the best cure for food poisoning is preventing it in the first place. To give you an idea of what human foods can be dangerous, Stacker has put together a slideshow of 30 common foods to avoid. Take a look to see if there are any that surprise you.

KEEP READING: 3-ingredient recipes you can make right now

More From KFMX FM