The Art Of Denial: Surviving Summer Heat In West Texas

Every year in late May and early June, many of us in West Texas participate in a strange social ritual. It happens right around the time temperatures climb into the 90s and 100s, and the wind begins to feel like a giant hair dryer, turned to high and pointed directly at your face.

We lie.

We post things on social media like "Beautiful day," knowing full well that it is not.

It's 102 degrees, Cheryl.

The pavement is actively melting the soles of our shoes.

Even so, if you want to fit in here, there are a few ways to pretend you're actually enjoying yourself.

Talk About The Heat Like It's Only A Minor Inconvenience

Most of us hate to admit we are suffering. Instead of saying something like, "I think my soul just left my body," we'll say things like, "It's a tad bit toasty, ain't it?"

Constantly Mention How Much Worse It Could Be

"I remember the summer we hit 114. This is nothing."

Nobody conducts fact-checks to verify these numbers. I'm certainly not going to. They've never stopped a single person from a "Back in my day..." rant.

Carry a Giant Drink Everywhere You Go

The larger the cup, the easier it is to convince yourself that there is anything normal about your makeup melting off during your commute to work.

Pretend Outdoor Activities Are Fun

"Hey, let's eat outside!"

Hell no.

"Want to go watch the baseball game!?"

Also, no.

"What about spending 6 hours in front of a hot grill at the cookout tomorrow?"

You guessed it. Nope.

Just smile politely and agree anyway.

What's the worst that could happen? 3rd degree burns from the sun and heat exhaustion...

Act Shocked Every Time You Get Into Your Car

Even though it happens every single day of the summer, act like you had NO IDEA the seatbelt would burn the sh*t out of that sensitive area on the side of your tummy where your shirt is slightly pulled away from, and your pants aren't quite high enough to cover. Ouch.

Celebrate Any Temperature Under 100 Degrees

The moment the temp drops, even just a few degrees, is a moment to celebrate.

People will start using the word "pleasant" and whatnot, even if that's cutting it pretty close to a lie. Whatever gets you through the day, I guess.

Become Weirdly Competitive About Enduring The Heat

"Pssht. You think you're hot? I mowed for 5 hours during the heat of the day."

"My car doesn't even have air conditioning, and I'm doing alright..." (lies)

Nobody wins at this. We are all losers.

Keep Saying Summer Is Almost Over

It's not. It's only just begun. Don't forget how much August sucks, too.

Secretly Spend 94% Of Your Time Indoors

This is my plan, and I'm sticking to it. My AC is set at a frigid 62 degrees and will remain untouched, no matter how high the bill gets. I don't care. I'm not suffering the way I did when I was a kid and had no control over the thermostat.

Feel free to drop by my place to cool off. Bring a sweater!

Now, you're successfully pretending you actually enjoy the summer in West Texas, just like the rest of us! Good luck, and may God have mercy on your soul.