Here’s What It Feels Like To Be A Non Coffee Drinker In A Coffee Drinking World

We're going to talk about some things here.

It's National Coffee Day and I hope you coffee drinkers have a great day. I never developed a taste of coffee even though I'm a caffeine freak. I have no problem telling you that I used to start the morning with a caffeine pill and a Double Gulp from the Seven-Eleven (I like to live dangerously). These days I go full glass of tee, diet coke, then a Monster (yup I'm going to explode someday).

So anyway, I thought it would be fun to take a look at coffee drinkers from the outside. Here are some notes I've compiled.

*Coffee drinkers are the laziest people when it comes to making coffee until they've had their coffee. I don't understand how you can love something so much but avoid being the first one to get it ready. It's like a weird standoff around here on who is going to make the first pot.

*You guys are a little nasty. Coffee drinkers are always leaving their cups lying around, leaving dirty dishes in the sink and coffee rings on surfaces everywhere.

*Coffee drinkers FREAK OUT if there's no free coffee. So why is there no free tea or other caffeinated beverages? It seems like the Cult Of Coffee has a special sense of entitlement.

*Coffee drinkers will run you off the road to get to a place with coffee. The WORST intersections are the ones with a coffee shop nearby because they will stop traffic to turn into the drive-through.

*Coffee drinkers love coffee paraphernalia that says things like "Don't talk to me until I've had my coffee".

*Coffee drinkers usually have a favorite cup, that they meltdown over if they can't find it (it's always "SOMEONE STOLE IT" and never "I misplaced it")

*Coffee drinkers love to talk about drinking coffee, usually after have a big sip and going "ah....". After that "ah" you know the coffee talk is coming.

*The most annoying coffee drinkers aren't really even coffee drinkers, it's the folks that need three sugars, two creams (usually flavored), and just a dab of actual coffee on top of that.

*Imma let you go after this one, but please, after you've had your fill of coffee, check some gum or get a breath mint, okay? It's just considerate to not knock your fellow employees over by exhaling.