The Worst Places to Hide a Body in Lubbock (According to Everyone Who’d Notice Immediately)

I had a horrible nightmare the other night that I was driving around with a body in the trunk of my car, looking for somewhere to dump it. It was STRESSFUL. When I woke up, I realized that a life of crime isn't in the cards for me, not by a long shot.

Lubbock might feel huge when you move here. Multiple Walmarts, all the major chains, and at least 6 different people who swear they "don't go to that side of town."

But, if you think about it, you are never as unobserved here as you think you are...

Lubbock is not the city to try anything suspicious. Not because of high-tech surveillance or a massive police presence, but because of people. Just people. Watching. Casually. Constantly.

Here are the absolute worst places you could attempt to get away with anything bad in Lubbock, according to...everybody who would notice immediately.

1. Anywhere Near Loop 289

You think you're just another car, but you're not. Someone has already recognized your vehicle, wondered why you circled twice, and texted their mom about seeing you. Do anything slightly abnormal on the loop, and congratulations: you're now the topic around every office water cooler.

2. A Random Neighborhood (Especially the "Quiet" Ones)

The quieter your street, the worse your chances are of getting away with anything at all. There is always at least one retired man watering his driveway for no reason, a woman peaking through her blinds like a meth head, and some rando who "just happened" to be outside.

You'll be spotted before you even turn your engine off. And, if you don't belong there? Get ready. People here shoot first and ask questions later.

3. Anywhere Within a Mile of Texas Tech University

Camera. People. Students all over the place. You won't make it five minutes before someone has posted about you on Instagram...

You're not being sneaky. You're becoming content.

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4. The Middle of Nowhere

This is everyone's obvious first choice. I even tried to figure out how to make it work in my nightmare...

It doesn't work.

Don't kid yourself. A farmer knows every inch of that land, someone checks fences regularly, and somebody noticed your car and snapped a photo because it doesn't belong there. Out here, "nothing" stands out more than anything else.

5. A Grocery Store Parking Lot

You think it will be quick...but then you run into your ex-boyfriend, your neighbor's mother, and someone you met at a concert in 2007. Too many questions. Too much eye contact. Not happening.

6. Anywhere During a Wind Storm

I don't even have to get into this one. Everyone knows better. Don't get caught looking suspicious and ridiculous at the same time.

Rookie mistake.

7. Your Own House

Let's be honest, folks. This one was NEVER going to work.

Your neighbors know your schedule. They will immediately notice a change in your trash pattern. Also, the woman across the street will think it's odd that you closed your garage door that one extra time. She will remember. She's also lonely and very chatty. A visit from the cops would make her day.

In conclusion, Lubbock is not a city where things go unnoticed. Someone always recognizes you, and someone is always bored enough to pay attention. Never forget that, and behave, you naughty ninnymuggins!

Keep scrolling for other ridiculous Lubbock fun in the galleries below!