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I'll be very honest, I don't watch much TV, let alone local TV. With the precious spare time I have, I usually like to read, listen to music or go to the movies. I saw Dial M for Murder in 3D at Alamo Drafthouse last night. It was awesome.

However, when I was a kid, we of course didn't have streaming services, although my family did shell out for cable. However, local affiliates carried some of my very favorite shows. Remember the after-school line up on FOX? Tiny Toons, Animaniacs, Batman: the Animated Series, then Star Trek: Next Generation. What a time to be alive.

So I did see quite a few Lubbock local commercials back-in-the-day. I wish there were more that I could access outside of my fallible memory. But luckily, a few examples of the businesses with the most unhinged local commercials still exist on Youtube.

First up, Ma-Ma-Ma-Ma-Mattress Sale. This more modern version exists and it does a great job of capturing the insanity of their earlier commercials. I remember a large brown bear on a huge pile of mattresses. I remember a monkey pushing a puppy in a stroller. Were those Mattress Firm commercials? Or the ravings of a fevered brain? Who knows, but here's this amazing artifact:

I'd be beside myself if I couldn't find an example of a Ralph's Records commercial. They were notoriously low budget and deliciously stupid. This one is 22 years old. I remember other examples being even weirder and more cringe inducing. If I had been my age now back then I probably would have loved them. I certainly love and am honored to be a voice on their radio commercials now, which are inspired by these old TV ads.

About a minute into this huge collection of commercials is West Chevrolet, which no longer exists. These ads are from before I was born and I don't remember most of the local businesses contained herein. But a gun shooting a gun atop a horse to sell you cars in Lubbock in 1982 is *chef's kiss*. That ad is only about a minute in. There's a lot of national ads, but also Ramsower Furniture in Plainview, Hollon's Furniture, Pioneer Lincoln Mercury and one business that is still around and better than ever, House of Flowers. There's also a very brief snippet of Red Raider basketball.

Sadly, there is no unhinged commercials on this next collection, as it's nearly all national commercials. I'm including it because it contains ads for Plains National Bank, which still exists, and Concord House, which does not.

The really charming parts are at the 5:10 mark when you get to see a young Abner Euresti for a brief moment, and the 16-minute mark when you get to see a report from Karen McKay, who appears to be 12 years old at the time of filming.

Here's a screenshot in case you missed your boy:

via Youtube

I can't help but hope more of these relics resurface from old reels or VHS tapes. Nobody believes me when I sing the jingle for Rusticam Rustic Furniture. If I invented it in a bout of insanity, it would be nice to know for certain.

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