I saw something near the checkout at a local store and I'm a little weirded out.

Now before we even get to the topic of today's uncomfortable candy, I had an image from eight years ago pop on my feed that is also appropriate to this discussion, let's pause a second for...

The Twix That Looks Like Poodle Poo


Okay, now let's get after it. You're familiar with candy necklaces, right? I'm familiar with them too. It used to be the coolest thing as a kid to put on the necklace and munch on the beads. Then again, when you think about it, it's also kind of gross because the beads around the bead you're breaking off always have a little residual mouth action on them, resulting in a sticky, gross mess around your neck.

Let's also talk about the flavor of the beds. Is 'chalk mixed with perfume and sugar' about accurate? How about 'weak, fruit-flavored pottery bits'? I don't know why we thought these things were so awesome when, in hindsight, they were clearly terrible

Now, let's get to the big reveal, then chat about this a bit longer.


King of All Love Beads.

Seriously? Why would you call these "love beads"? Love beads sound like a marketing gimmick for something from the Adam & Eve store that you put in your own or someone you love's no-go place. (Yeah, you know when you want to do the ol' 'starting the lawnmower' sex move.)

Let me stress right now, I doubt the elastic string is enough to withstand some enthusiastic pulling.

Zombie Peepshow Favorites

Metallica at United Supermarkets Arena, Lubbock, Texas (March 2nd, 2019)