What To Expect At This Year’s Work Christmas Party

We just got our invites to this year's work Christmas party. So far, I've been to all of them but one in the past five years. I missed 3 years ago when I had to have a tooth pulled, and I was actually pretty sad about it. If you don't go to the party, you don't get the awesome goodies! No fun.

My company goes pretty hard at work parties. Most of us usually stagger out a little bit tipsy with a few fun presents in tow. I feel lucky in that aspect. I've worked for plenty of places around town that didn't offer employees more than some free Little Caesars, and while I do love their pizza, I think we deserve a little bit more back from the people we spend our lives working for. Don't you?

Read More: Why Plainview’s Christmas Parade Bans Candy From Floats

Nonetheless, here are a few things you're bound to see at your work Christmas party in Lubbock this year.

1. A Crockpot Population That Violates City Density Laws

Every office potluck in Lubbock looks like an appliance showroom.

Seven queso options, five meatballs, and a mystery dip someone swears is “family tradition.” No one knows who brought the one with raisins. None of us dares taste it. We all just accept that it’s part of our work ecosystem now.

2. One Cowboy Hat That Never Comes Off

Doesn’t matter if it’s a professional environment, a school, a bank, a radio station, or a dentist’s office. There is always one guy in a cowboy hat at the Christmas party.

3. The Passive-Aggressive Gift Exchange

Lubbock workplaces love a Dirty Santa/White Elephant swap, mostly because it lets people express long-simmering workplace resentment through scented candles and gag gifts. With this comes war. I saw a former employee cry over a grill a few years ago. I'm talking CRY. Big tears. It was so embarrassing. Her husband was very uncomfortable.

4. At Least One Drunk Revelation No One Asked For

By the end of the night, someone has had at least 2 spiked punches, 5 eggnogs, and one embarrassing convo about their "big ideas" for the department that nobody wants to listen to. We are all just trying to get through the party, Daniel.

5. The Decorations No One Wants to Take Down Later

Someone in the office went too hard. There’s tinsel on the printer. A blow-up Santa by the breakroom fridge. A cardboard chimney that took three grown adults an hour to tape together.

Then January hits, and everyone acts like the decorations were placed by ghosts.

6. The Employee Who Has Never Spoken Suddenly Becomes the Funniest Person There

Quiet Caleb from accounting? Silent since his onboarding paperwork? Give him one Tito’s, and this man is doing impressions of the CEO (and should probably be stopped...NOW.)

Lubbock Work Holiday Parties Are Always Better Than You Think

Give it a shot this year. Don't be shy. Get in there and talk to the new sales guy you've been creeping on. Blame it on the endless supply of Fireball from the marketing team! You only live once! Don't miss out on the most embarrassing party of the year with your favorite (and least favorite) people!

Keep scrolling for more silly Lubbock fun in the galleries below...