Here’s Where Lubbock Absolutely, Positively Should Not Swim This Weekend

It's going to be a hot Memorial Day Weekend and you may be looking for a place to cool off.

The Options

Good luck finding a place to cool off. There's no community swimming pools and the local apartments are already on the lookout for intruders. You might be thinking, "If only there were some large bodies of water around". Well, there are, and you should never even dip your toe into them.

Playa Lakes

Don't even get close to the water in the Lubbock playa lakes. These "lakes" are actually big, wet disease factories. In them you'll find straight up garbage, and all of the nasty things that have washed off the streets including oil, animal poo, and even that condom you left in a public park a couple of decades ago. Sure,  if you've been recently gouged in the eyes, the water can look refreshing, but it's not really water, it's more of a water-like substances that congeals in giant roadside holes.

It's Worse Than That

Somewhere in hell, there is a man being punished for the worst crimes imaginable by having liquid slowly dripped onto his forehead. The "water" they use from that is from Lubbock playa lakes. The fluid from those lakes is a mixture of dead birds and liquified nightmares. It's the sauce that covers a plate of dysentery. An old tire full of rainwater and mosquito larva is practically a health shake compared to our playa lakes.   The only good thing that could come out of you swimming in one of these lakes is that your family may make a few bucks on your funeral GoFundMe.

Oh It Goes On

Did you ever see the wrestler Triple H spit water in the air? Now imagine and entire army of lepers spitting that way until a pond forms up over their heads and they disappear.  Have you ever seen a pirate map that says, "Thar be monsters" with a little "X"? Well, that "Thar" was in Lubbock. Do you remember how those cartoon Monsters fed on the screams of children? Well, this is the urine they made afterwards. The lakes are seriously nastier than your browser history. Do not go near them and avoid prolonged eye contact with them, as they may somehow develop the ability to attack.  Just stay away from the playa lakes in Lubbock.