Top 5 Places I’m Going In Lubbock After The Rapture

According to some TikTok prophets, the rapture is supposed to happen today or tomorrow. I’m already making plans on what I’m going to do while the faithful are floating skyward.

Never mind that the Bible clearly says in Matthew 24:36 and Mark 13:32 that no one knows the day or the hour—apparently TikTok influencers know better. I’m not kidding, there’s a whole corner of the app convinced this is “rapture week.”

If they’re right, I figure we’ll get a couple of chill days before the tribulation fully kicks in. So why not live it up? Here are my top five stops in Lubbock for the “preshow” to tribulations.

My Top 5 Rapture Hangouts In Lubbock

5. Church – Not for holy reasons. I just know they’re big, empty, and great for squatting. Think of it as a bed and breakfast… with communion wine.

4. Texas Tech Aquatic Center – I’ve always wanted to float in peace, no splashing kids, no waiting lines. Just me, the water, and the end of the world.

3. Golden Corral Buffet – It’ll be a long time before I get a spread like that again. And this time, nobody’s fighting me for the fried bacon.

2. The Animal Shelter – Every single dog and cat is coming with me. If you left your pets behind, I’ll be freeing them too.

1. Flippers – The pinball palace calls my name. I’ll be working those machines with a beer in one hand and a hot dog in the other.

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So yeah, if the rapture’s real, I’ll be busy. And if it’s not—well, I’ve still got a good weekend planned.