Referees Needed For Completely Thankless Job
Would you like to make very little money by being hated by everyone around you? Then you could be a referee!
Yes, believe it or not, there is a referee shortage. It is reportedly so bad that they may have to shift games to Thursdays instead of Fridays just to make sure they can be covered. Just in case you're interested, I wrote up a help wanted ad to see if you have what it takes.
We're looking for football officials for the upcoming season. Here are the following qualifications:
*Must be able to take a punch from a parent, player, or coach. You will not be allowed to defend yourself without losing this job, so put a bag of peas in your freezer so you can bring down some swelling on those shiners.
*Must be able to deal with harsh criticism. You will be asked if you are blind, if you want your a$$ kicked, or if you have taken money from the opposing team. It's recommended that you wear earplugs to avoid these offensive comments (and they'll protect you against all those whistles anyways).
*Must have an extra set of tires. From time to time, your tires will be slashed when someone doesn't agree with your officiating. You may also want to go ahead and put an extra windshield and possibly some tail lights on order too, because you may be needing them.
*Must not laugh when offered "about a hundred bucks" as pay when asked to run around on a field for three and half hours while being hated by 99% of the people in attendance.
*You will have to pay to prove that you know what you're doing to a Texas governing body so that they can tell you that you do not. Keep in mind that once you are certified, many "concerned parents" will do whatever possible to make sure you're decertified.
*Must not have anything going on on Friday nights. Yes, goodbye to your social life and/or date night because you'll be working Friday nights. You'll also be too tired to do anything Saturdays after working late.
Thank you for your application, we look forward to hating you in the future.