A Day In The Life Of Shallowater, Texas By A.I. And Friends

Shallowater, Texas is about to be roasted!

Why Roast Shallowater, Texas?

A while back we started using Shallowater as a default target on our morning show. I guess we were thinking why make all of the small towns around the Hub City mad, let's just sacrifice one. We also had a friend there who constantly told us of all the busy-bodies and pearl-clutchers there who were always in everybody's business. The fact is, I have many friends there, including a couple of semi-pro wrestlers. Until recently I also had a bunch of family that lived there until they came to their senses.

Why I'm Roasting Small Town Texas

Truth be told, I lived in a small Texas town for a couple of years and we know what that life is like. It's very much true that if you go to the supermarket in pajama pants the rest of the town will know about it by lunch. It's true that if you miss church people will notice. It's also true that if something in town gets tore up, most people already know who's kid did it. I have to tell you, living under a microscope in a small town is terrible!

Don't Take It Personal Shallowater!

So Shallowater, do I really hate you? My answer is, how can I hate a place I have no intention of visiting and frequently drive around? It's not personal, I dislike all small towns where they're likely to hire coaches to teach and their wives to work in the office. I dislike places that have one town dog, and a every direction starts with "y'know over by the railroad tracks...". I'm just not a big fan of a place where the closest you'll ever get to the big city is a picture on a calendar at the dollar store. I swear it has nothing to do with the fact that your city hall looks like a place that used to sell used tractor parts. So no Shallowater, I don't hate you....I hate the idea of you. Okay, this is all just a rib, so settle down.

ChatGPT Understood The Shallowater, Texas Assignment

Okay, now that I've warmed you up a little bit, I asked ChatGPT to give me a "humorous look at a day in the life of Shallowater" and I'm pretty sure A.I. nailed it. See if any of this seem familiar.

A Day in Shallowater, Texas (Comedy Edition):

6:00 AM – Rooster crows, cow farts, and a Ford F-150 revs to life like a redneck symphony. The town wakes up with the proud scent of diesel and burnt toaster strudel.

7:30 AM – The local diner serves breakfast: biscuits, gravy, and arguments over which gas station has the best fountain Dr Pepper.

9:00 AM – Town meeting at the feed store. Agenda: why the internet went out during "Yellowstone" and whether or not Randy’s goat is legally a service animal.

10:45 AM – Shallowater High cancels P.E. after a snake is spotted doing laps in the gym. Snake is faster than half the football team.

12:00 PM – Lunch rush at the Allsup’s. Locals fight over the last chimichanga. Sheriff is called, but he's just there to buy two of them himself.

2:00 PM – Someone tries to pump gas into a riding lawnmower while it’s still running. Town briefly loses power and gains a new YouTube sensation.

4:00 PM – A confused tourist asks where the wine bar is. Locals direct him to the back of a guy’s truck with a cooler and three flavors of Boone’s Farm.

5:30 PM – Parade down Main Street canceled because the mayor’s nephew borrowed the town float for muddin'.

7:00 PM – Talent show at the school auditorium. Highlights include a banjo solo, interpretive dance by a possum, and someone lip-syncing to Luke Bryan in a horse mask.

9:00 PM – The stars come out, the bugs come in, and the sound of frogs, fireworks, and bad karaoke echo across the cotton fields. Just another peaceful Shallowater night.