All in the last 24 hours I've learned that Adam Levine was still making music, allegedly had an affair with Instagram model Sumner Stroh, that she has an OnlyFans account, and she's a Texas Longhorn.

I'm mortified on all accounts.

I stumbled upon the story first that Levine was cheating on his wife. Naturally, I wanted to know who the mistress was, and a brief search (the linked article in the first post) sent me to the article titled, "Who is Sumner Stroh: Adam Levine's Alleged Mistress."

Who is Sumner Stroh, indeed. "I must know more," I thought to myself. So I went into detective mode and searched her on Instagram. To my horror, I found that this beautiful woman was a Longhorn.

Not just a t-shirt fan, either. She had a graduation party and everything.

She's been to the State Fair of Texas and watched the Cotton Bowl. Freshman kicker Cameron Dicker lifted the Longhorns over the Sooners that day with a field goal within 10 seconds of the final buzzer. Texas won 48-45.

Now, differences aside, Stroh is a Kansas City Chiefs fan, so she can't be all bad.

She also likes the Cowboys.

Now, there's some uncertainty on if she's being truthful about Adam Levine being a lying dirtbag who cheated on his maybe pregnant wife and mother of his two children.

At this point in my...detective work, I didn't know if she had any culpability or not. That's why I continued researching and found more evidence of her being a Longhorn.

One point in the 'guilty' column.

Is Austin really that bad, though? Add one point in the 'all Adam Levine's fault' column.

She likes puppies? Point in the 'all Adam Levine's fault' column.

Another point in the 'All Adam Levine's fault' column: if he's canceled, he has to stop making albums, right? That's what I actually want to happen as a result of this drama.

It's a Red Out against the Texas Longhorns in Lubbock this weekend, so wear red to the Texas Tech game.

Oh right, there's a game this weekend.

In a lot of ways, Texas is a bad mismatch. The Texas offense is like an Instagram model celebrity with open DMs. It'll be hard to stop it from happening. Bijan Robinson will be the best running back the Texas Tech defense has faced all season, and he had a spectacular showing the last time he shared a field with the Red Raiders.

I also think Xavier Worthy is the best wide receiver the Red Raiders will have faced all season, which could put some strain on the defense over the top.

The quarterback situation will be an interesting one, with Quinn Ewers back at practice and Hudson Card having a solid second half against both Alabama and UTSA without making any outstanding plays himself. My guess is that if he's cleared to play, Ewers will play. His upside in playmaking far outweighs what Card is able to provide for the Longhorns. Do you need a playmaker at QB with Robinson and Worthy? Probably not, but it never hurts.

That said, Tyree Wilson shares some traits with Adam Levine. He's tenacious and never stops pursuing the Longhorns. Wilson started his career as an Aggie, saw the first action of his Red Raider career against the Longhorns, and is coming off a dominant performance against the NC State Wolfpack. If the defensive line can provide consistent pressure on Ewers, making it harder and harder to breathe in the pocket, he will force some throws. That ups the turnover chances dramatically.

Speaking of turnovers, Texas Tech QB Donovan Smith has had his trouble with Beautiful Mistakes (i.e. interceptions) over the last two games, and much like Adam Levine some Texas Tech fans want the next hot thing. I don't think Behren Morton will start against Texas, but I wouldn't be shocked to see him get a drive early in the first half that's scripted for his skillset.

A talented offensive coordinator, which Texas Tech OC Zack Kittley is, can script drives to open games. Those scripts often work, but then you have to settle into the game. With two quarterbacks, you get that opening drive script twice. If you need a spark or a change of pace, like Adam Levine did, you can go to Morton for a drive.

If it works, great. If it doesn't work? Misery.

Even with the playmaker gap that Texas has, I think the home crowd in Lubbock will provide some Sugar to the Red Raiders. I also think Texas Tech is much more potent on offense than they've shown thus far. I'm feeling a breakout game coming on offense, but I don't know if it will hit this week.

Texas is currently favored by about a touchdown, and I think that's about where this game ends. I also have faith that the Texas Tech defense has Memories about the last time these two teams played and want to make sure that doesn't happen again. I'll take the under, which is pegged at 58.5 at the time of this story's publication.

Texas will score about 33, and Texas Tech will score about 25.

For more game thoughts, listen to the Gamblin' Gauchos:

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