The Unofficial Lubbock Guide To Being A Trash Person

As someone who has spent decades carefully studying the subject, I feel uniquely qualified to discuss what it takes to become a certified trash heap in this town.

Not an actual bad person.

More like a raccoon with a credit card.

A human being who means well, but lives more like a cryptid.

If you're wondering whether or not you qualify, let's take a little peekie poo at the criteria, shall we?

Half Your Bed Is A Storage Unit

Nobody else has visited that side of the bed in months.

It's currently occupied by dirty laundry, an old Arby's bag (with 7 leftover curly fries), two empty water bottles, and several items you "lost" months ago.

You Do The "Smell Check"

Who has time to hang up clothes when you can grab them from the laundry pile, give them a whiff, and then decide what kind of day you're having? No brainer, guys.

Read More: The Most Goblin Things Lubbock Residents Do In The Summer

Dinner Is Whatever You Can Buy For $1.62

Tonight's special: Headhunters Hot Dogs! (They're like 49 cents, fool. Hurry! They make them 24/7, and none of the employees judge when you're short a couple of cents. Promise.)

You Refuse To Make Two Trips

One trip from the car is the law around these parts.

You're a pro at hanging 17 Walmart bags up your arms AND carrying the cat litter all in one trip. Break a few eggs? No sweat. Better than the pasta sauce jar last week.

Are You A Trash Person?

If you found yourself nodding along with most of this list, then congratulations!

You're not lazy, and you're not disorganized.

You are simply a trash person in West Texas.

As long as your bills are paid and your cat is happy, you're doing better than most of us!