I read about a class called "Lubbock 101" that supposedly gave you an outline of how the city operates, but that was from a government level. This is what you need to know from a "boots on the ground" level.

My titles were meant to convey an old-timey tone, so don't freak out by the "commandment' nature of this -- that's an entirely different list.

  • 1

    The Dust Shall Blow

    There's no stopping it. Not now, not ever. I'm glad farmers are trying with innovative crop patterns (whatever, I have no idea what I'm talking about), but it's not just the farms; it's everywhere, and it gets everywhere.

  • 2

    The Drivers Shall Also Blow

    We complain a lot about the drivers here, but notice how we aren't talking about the traffic. THAT'S IT! The problem is, there's no reason why it should be like a demolition derby around here. The commutes are short, the roads aren't crowded, and still so many folks drive like no rules apply to them.

  • 3

    Thou Shalt Not Talk About Sex

    It's staring you right in the face. Unusually high numbers of STDs and teen pregnancies, but we sweep it under the rug because we don't talk about those things in polite society. Fortunately, teens are finally learning on their own from their smartphones because the parents aren't helping.

  • 4

    And Yea, Do They Be Flat

    We build out here, not up. We have plenty of room, and for some reason, we just use up an area and move on. The lack of planning by the city really makes me appreciate the folks who revamped the Overton area because the knuckleheads on the city council aren't smart enough to do it.

  • 5

    And the Flocks Shall Gather at the Latest Restaurant

    ...And more often than not, proclaim it, "meh." What a fickle crew we have trying the latest stuff here, and what a bunch of lousy businessmen that hire subpar personnel to run their million-dollar properties. At least pay the folks at the top a decent wage so they'll keep your food fresh and your place clean.

  • 6

    And The Circle Remains Unbroken

    Yes, The Loop is the Alpha and the Omega. Everything begins or ends at The Loop. Unless you've moved out to the West Side, The Loop is a part of your daily routine. If you shop, go to games or get entertained in Lubbock, you need The Loop.

  • 7

    And The Lakes Are the Unclean

    Those aren't lakes; those are big puddles. That is, everything that washes off the road -- from oil to dead possums -- ends up in them. It's bird poop and tobacco spit and half-drunk beers and every little bit of nastiness that Lubbock could muster in liquid form. I am surprised that the playa lakes around here haven't given birth to some kind of mutated life form. They're just awful.

  • 8

    The Houses Shall Be Run Through

    I swear on all that's good that I've never heard of a car or truck running into a house until I came to Lubbock. It seems like we have around a half dozen do it here every year. Seriously, how bad do you have to be at driving (or drinking) to not hit a house?

  • 9

    Sports Shall Rule the Day

    I never said this was a list of bad things, it's just things. From Texas Tech to LCU to the Dallas Cowboys, and all the way down to youth leagues and high school football, this town loves sports. Even folks like me who don't care for sports still enjoy the pageantry and tailgating that go along with it.