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Hello, fellow Lubbockite! Do you find yourself in possession of some extra dirt since our last dust storm? If so, read on, so I can tell you how to utilize this precious commodity.

Official Lubbock, Texas Souvenirs

Someone needs to bag up some West Texas dust, label it "Lubbock Air" and then sell it at the airport to weary travelers who're tired of just bringing home t-shirts.

Start Hoarding It

Every time the dust blows, sweep up as much dirt as you possibly can and, when your neighbor isn't looking, add some extra acreage to your lawn. Little by little, you'll take over.

Use It in Your Houseplants

House plants can sometimes be hard to take care of. A good sprinkling of Lubbock dirt will take care of all of your problems by killing the plant. I think if that dust had actual nutrients or helped things grow, we'd all be seven feet tall from breathing it in.

Add It to Your Coffee

Okay, work with me here. By adding a little to your coffee each morning maybe you can build up a tolerance to it. Then again, maybe all that dirt will contain just the right amount of fiber to give you a super-dookie each morning.

Arts & Crafts

How about you re-enact that scene from Ghost, but instead of clay you use dirt? The best part is that you'll have an excuse for making an ugly vase. Careful though, if you put water in it, you're probably just going to have a mudpie.

Teach Your Children a Lesson

I recommend you teach your children a valuable lesson about trust. Quit referring to the dirt as "dust" and instead start calling it "summer snow." When they find out there's really no such thing as "summer snow," they'll learn not to trust adults, and that's an important lesson.

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