You may have not gotten the memo yet, but the 94.5 FMX website can now read articles to you.
Like any great step forward, something like an article reader is ripe for abuse. After all, why not mix things up a bit and cause some chaos? Before too long you will start to see something like this on your phone:
Once you see that message, play it to hear the statements below and release hijinks and hilarity into your day. (There will, of course, be a preroll ad.)
Here we go with 15 Funny Things to Make FMX's New Article Reader Read.
Number 1: My colon is itchy, my semi-colon not so much.
Number 2: Mahna Mahna, Do doo be-do-do
Number 3: You don't just have a case of the crabs, you have enough for a seafood restaurant.
Number 4: Hey Coach Beard, we've already got champagne on ice for the day you're fired.
Number 5: The best thing about being in Lubbock is, uh, hmmm.
Number 6: Which one of you sick bastards farted? You stunk up the whole room. It smells like someone beat a bag of dead raccoons in here.
Number 7: Why would I tell you a joke when the real joke is in your pants?
Number 8: I went to buy some camo pants but I couldn't find any.
Number 9: I'm not sure, but that sure sounded like your mom's voice on the other side of that glory hole.
Number 10: The Dallas Cowboys are never going to the Super Bowl.
Number 11: Nipples. Nipples. Nipples.
Number 12: Pineapple on pizza is proof there is no god.
Number 13: The only thing better than roses on a piano is tulips on an organ.
Number 14: Please don't look under my keyboard, that's where I keep my booger stash
Number 15: Before you make fun of your computer reading silly things, remember it knows your porn history.