I Defended Lubbock’s Honor In Fireworks Fight

Are you ready for one of those "things you should not try at home" stunts?

I have been involved in more than my fair share of drunken jackassery in my life. I have jumped over bonfires, competed in stretcher races, had boards broken over my heads, things stapled to me,  put my feet in a box of fire ants, and on and on. I still enjoy this kind of shenanigans every once in a while, except I don't really drink anymore. The lack of joy-juice really makes these experiences a bit more intense and a bit more painful when they go wrong.

So on a recent trip to Austin when a drunken fool yelled that it was time for a Roman Candle Fight, I said, "you son of a b@tch, I'm in". My competition/jousting partner was an Abilene Roller Girl named "Irie One Shove" or "Baby Sara" to her friends. This kid (when I say kid, I mean person younger than me, because she has two kids of her own) thought she was tough enough to take on an old guy while wearing a dress (she was wearing the dress and not me).

A poll was taken and the crowd was overwhelmingly in Baby Sara's favor. On my side were just two people, my friend Laquita and a guy who insists on being called "Gay Satan".  The odds and the crowd were stacked against me. I guess everyone just figured Baby Sara was younger, quicker, and meaner. They didn't know the legend of Wes "White Chocolate" Nessman. They should have listened when I said, "I'm fixin' to burn me a little girl".

So who won?  See for yourself. ***Warning. Language & Jackassery Ahead***

Remembering the Lubbock Municipal Coliseum