Stuff That Should Get You Kicked Out Of The Theater And The Human Race
I almost miss the good old days, when all I had to worry about was talking in theaters. Now, there's all kinds of rude behaviors out there, or ones that I just tend to notice more. I guess it kind of comes with the ability to have a great movie experience at home, you tend to notice the a**holes more when you go out.
I don't want to go to the theater. I can almost always avoid it. I'll wait the 8 months or whatever to catch something on demand. There's two things standing in the way of that right now, and that would be Deadpool and Suicide Squad. I am LIVIN' for these movies. If I'm in the theater with you, please be nice.
- 1
Bringing In Foreign Food
Okay, I'm not talking about necessarily "foreign food" like Chinese Food, but food that is foreign to the environment. I went to the movie one time and had three women open bean and onion Taco Bell burritos, one at a time in front of me. Those burritos are delicious, but in a theater they smelled vile.
- 2
Anything In Crinkly Packages
Have you noticed that the majority of theater candy is in boxes? That's to cut down on noise. Quit being a chucklehead and rustling through your snacks for an entire movie.
- 3
Shaking Your Ice
It's both a nervous tic and a way to break up the ice into bite size pieces, it's still annoying as hell. Just when I thought I was getting over hearing people munching like a bunch of hungry horses, I had to deal with someone doing the shake thing for what seemed like eternity.
- 4
Pickles
This should be classified with the "foreign food" but they are actually condoned and sold by the theaters. I can't even believe that big stinky pickles are allowed. They're foul and the smell really carries across a room.
- 5
Smartphones
How would you like it if I carried a flashlight around in a theater. Oh, I wouldn't shine it at you, I'd only shine it at my face. IT'S STILL DAMN ANNOYING. That bright light, even if it's not pointed at you can actually hurt your eyes in a dark theater. Just stop it. Keep your dumb ass at home if you want to look at your phone instead of the movie.
- 6
Kicking The Back Of Chairs
Seriously, you and your kids need to learn what it's like to have this jarring distraction. I've mentioned a lot of stuff on the list, but this is the one that I will address immediately with a very menacing "knock it the f@ck off".